Give me Zohall or Give me Death
by Master of the Boot
Summary: The Cullens are having a pleasant day when an assassin from the legendary Hellsing Organization shows up to do some vampire hunting. But this vampire hunter has bitten off more than he can chew.


Give me Zohall or Give me Death

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Wolverine, Alucard or Zohall Mercer. They are the property of their respective owners and I make no profit from this story. Warning: this story is rated for swearing.

It was a peaceful day, sunny too. It was rare to get a sunny day in Forks, Washington. But today it seemed that the human inhabitants of the town would be blessed with the chance to build up some vitamin D.

The vampire inhabitants were a little less lucky. The reason that the Cullens lived in this town was because of the lack of sunlight. The seven members of the Cullen family were all vampires. The species that they belonged to were called Unstet.

Unlike other vampires, the sun wouldn't make them catch fire, weaken or melt. It would however cause them to sparkle like massive diamonds whose beauty beggared description. Why, if their son Edward were to walk down a busy street in direct sunlight, he'd cause more traffic accidents than all the natural disasters in world history, Godzilla included. .

So, on a rare sunny day, the Cullens were forced to stay inside the house the way that humans stayed indoors when it rained.

The Cullens were well prepared for a sunny day and had all means to keep them entertained. Edward was with his true love, Bella, having managed to sneak over to her house before dawn. Alice, every the lover of fashion, threw herself into reorganizing a closet that had more designer clothes all of Italy.

The rough playing brothers, Jasper and Emmet were content to play their videogames in the upstairs. Esme and Carlisle, the "parents" of the family, were happily making love in the soundproofed bedroom.

But the Cullens were not the only people to occupy their large house. There were two guests staying for the duration of the weekend. One of the men was from England, he worked there but he wasn't native English. The other man was Canadian, through and through.

The man from England was called Alucard and he was also a vampire. Alucard was Nosferatu, a breed of fanged monsters who feared water and blessed silver. On the battlefield, Alucard was capable of summoning and controlling the souls of those whose blood he had drank. Today though, he had other worries.

In addition to being a vampire, Alucard was also an enormous Batman fanatic. He loved all things which pertained to the Caped Crusader. Which was why he was so excited today, "Everybody listen: I'll be back in fifteen minutes. They're releasing the twentieth anniversary, digitally remastered edition of Tim Burton's Batman film. The first shipment arrives at noon today, if any one of you slows me down or makes me late to buy a copy, there will be hell to pay. Just ask you father."

From the soundproof bedroom, they could hear slight sounds, something like "Yes, Yes, Yes!"

Alucard nodded, "See, your father agrees with me. I'll be back before long."

The other man was not a vampire but a mutant. In contrast to towering Alucard, the second guest was short and hairy. His name was Logan, but quite often he went by the alias of Wolverine.

Wolverine was short but had a neck like a bull's; the rest of his body followed this build. He was a wild man of the woods, this Wolverine. He'd hunted grizzly with nothing but crude wooden spears and had personally killed more spies and terrorists than James Bond. A former agent of the Canadian government, Wolverine was one of the deadliest black-ops experts anywhere.

In addition to being the most savage son the Great White North has ever seen, Wolverine was a mutant. The stocky woodsman and former government agent possessed animal keen senses and a healing factor that could deal with any wound or poison.

Wolverine informed the Cullens in a straightforward manner, "Alright, I'm gonna be watchin' the seventh game o' the Stanley Cup Finals. I miss one second o' regulation ice time; I'll be makin' sparkle-kebabs." As he finished his sentence, a long metal claw made from an indestructible alloy slid from Wolverine's hand for all to see.

Nobody wanted to get in the way of either Alucard or Logan, and so for a short while everybody was happy.

Then Alice had a vision. The small pixie like vampire possessed the ability to see the future and the immediate future scared the hell out of her.

_The first thing that she saw was the sheer level of damage. Cars and trucks, vehicles of all sorts were run off the road. _

Alice threw down the thousand dollar gossamer dress in her hands and tried to steer the course of the vision.

_The source of all the destruction came from a lone figure on a motorcycle. _

Alice gasped upon seeing the figure.

_It was the eyes which made her gasp. They were of such a deep forest green, they hinted at power which she couldn't even begin to comprehend. On his back he carried a long sword reminiscent of a Japanese Nodachi. _

Still focused on the vision, Alice ran to get Carlisle.

_The driver of the motorcycle continued with his reckless driving. Only a fool wouldn't see his destination: the Cullen Home. _

Alice pounded on the door to the soundproof bedroom. She heard the same old sounds of crazy vampire sex, but no response to the pounding.

Alice fidgeted on the spot and then pounded on the door some more. And then she pounded at the door so hard that she was worried that it'd come off its hinges.

Finally, Carlisle opened the door. His normally well coiffed blond hair was a mess and his pale face was covered in bright red lipstick marks. His pants were down by his ankles and his shirt had been violently torn open. Carlisle struggled to not let his adopted daughter know how pissed off he was that he'd been interrupted, "Yes?"

Alice hurriedly told the pater familias, "I've had a vision. A vampire hunter comes to the house and destroys everything!"

"How many are there?"

Alice responded, "Just one, but he seems very powerful."

Carlisle trusted Alice's visions, she hadn't failed the family yet and there was little reason to believe that she'd start now. Turing over his shoulder, he informed his wife, "Esme, get something presentable on, we've got a vampire hunter."

The word passed from Cullen to Cullen, "We've got a vampire hunter."

From Emmett, "We got a vampire hunter, quick Jasper, pause the game!"

From Alice, "Rose, we've got a vampire hunter, pass me that wrench, the really big one."

From Esme, "A vampire hunter, oh no! We've got to defend the children, Carlisle, pull your pants up and get my roto-tiller!"

And then there was Logan, "Pipe down, you flamin' vampires! Iginla just got a goal!"

According to Alice's vision, the vampire hunter would be very close.

* * *

Zohall Mercer was more excited than he'd been in months. Sitting on top of his Indian Motorcycle with no helmet, he felt like a million bucks.

He'd been working for the Hellsing Organization for months now. They'd had him and other similar to him taking down vampires wherever they threatened good innocent folk. It was all good and fine, the pay was fair given the work, but Zohall missed the thrill of striking out alone.

He used to be a wandering soldier of fortune, his sword and his handgun his only constant companions. That kind of lifestyle never really leaves you. So when he received word that he'd have to head down to America and take out a coven of vampires, he'd been ecstatic.

There was just one thing though, after so many months of living in England and driving on the left side of the road, it was taking some adjusting to be back in America. Zohall had never been a particularly good driver. When battle was up, he could drive a vehicle with some precision and get people in and out of a warzone quickly. But on a civilian road, badly out of practice, that was a recipe for disaster.

Under the best of circumstances, Zohall Mercer was a horrendous driver. Behind the wheel he was one of the plagues that God forgott. Day nine: the newborns shall die, Day ten: Mercer will start driving.

Zohall was young and battle ready, he was far too busy to think about anything else.

Some distance outside of the town of Forks, Zohall turned off the main road and started to head toward the house that the vampires lived in. Their home was located deep in the woods and the only way to reach it was to drive up a long winding gravel road.

Twice, Zohall lost control of his motorcycle. The first time, he ended up a little shaken but an errant rock had scratched the paint very badly. The second time, another errant rock ended up making a tear in Zohall's leather jacket. That hurt, Zohall loved his jacket.

Now, he stood on the porch of the vampire's home. It was almost time for battle to begin. It was like this every time, the wait seems to last forever but the battle itself seems to last barely an eye blink long.

Knowing that it was now or never, Zohall went for his weapons. From his hip he grabbed a custom tooled Desert Eagle handgun. From his back, he drew his long sword. It was a strange sword, seemingly an inverted katana. Where a katana had a straight handle and curved blade, this thing seemed to possess a straight blade and curved handle. In terms of its length, the weapon matched the lengthy nodachi swords. To say the least it was unique.

Zohall was ready to go, he had his gun and he had his sword, named gleam. It was Showtime.

* * *

The Cullens all stood around the front door in a semi circle. Like the unknown vampire hunter, they too had weapons.

Jasper, a veteran of the civil war, held a civil war era rifle complete with a bayonet. Normally he wouldn't use such a valuable item like this as a weapon, but he had two more and based off of Alice's vision, this was a very powerful hunter.

An empath, Jasper could feel the hunter's emotions. He felt excitement and a little apprehension. The hunter was feeling the emotions of a seasoned warrior. Thankfully, Jasper didn't just feel emotions; he could manipulate them as well.

Next to Jasper the rest of the family was present, except for Edward. Esme held up a roto-tiller, which had been modified to perform as a melee weapon. "Have you been able to contact Edward?"

Rosalie held a pickax over her head in preparation for an overhead strike, "No, the jackass must have turned it off to be with his little girlfriend."

Esme signed, "Well, if we all die here today, then at least Edward can make it out alive."

This made Rose roll her eyes.

Emmet chided his mother gently, holding a pair of golf clubs like ninja swords. "Don't talk like that, mom, we'll come out alright." Every single one of them was whispering at frequencies too low for even dogs to hear.

Alice kept a close watch on the future as he held a giant pipe wrench that looked comical in her tiny hands. No matter which way she looked at it, the house would always blow up. But the fate of the family was uncertain.

Jasper could sense that the hunter on the other side was a hyperactive. Just a little adjustment to his enthusiasm and the guy should forget nearly everything he knew.

Zohall felt like he had a balloon in his chest. He was golden, he was Hercules. Lunging forward, he attempted to kick down the door . . . and realized that he should have payed closer attention to when Leon was teaching him to kick down a door.

Zohall lost his footing and tumbled backwards, banging his head on the wooden steps as he did.

"OW! FUCK!" If the vampires didn't know that he was here before, they certainly did now.

Zohall held the back of his head, biting his lip with pain. For a few minutes he ran around in a circle, swearing and cursing, "THAT SUCKED DONKEY COCK! I'LL GET YOU FUCKERS!" And a great many things just like that.

Halting his hyperactive pacing, Zohall went for his dropped weapons. The handgun went into his pocket. With all the frustration he was feeling, it'd be good to just chop his targets to pieces.

Taking two deep breaths, the young swordsman charged the door like a mad bull. The big oak door blew off its hinges like it'd been hit by a hurricane. There in the doorway, Zohall stood, green eyes a-shine and ready to kick ass as he'd ever been. "Wendy, I'm fucking home."

Facing against him were six vampires of varying sized, one armed with a very old rifle, one with a roto-tiller, one with a big fucking wrench, one with two golf clubs, one with a pickax and their leader carried a complete set of expensive TV purchased kitchen knives.

Not waiting for the vampires to take the offensive, Zohall leapt into action. Like an acrobat, he sprung over the heads of the vampires and began his offensive with their backs to him.

Swinging gleam, he went for the alpha female. As his sword sailed through the air, she swung her roto-tiller back.

Sword and power tool met in mid air. The multiple spinning blades of the roto-tiller struck again and again at the lone sword blade, but the mysterious steel held.

The female vampire growled at the outnumbered human, the sound could have had a pride of lions on the run. She pressed the advantage of her superior strength; she could have stopped an eighteen wheeler if she wanted to. Nobody was getting between her and the adopted children.

When fighting a vampire, brute force never avails you. The only thing that can defeat a vampire in hand to hand combat is smarts and tactics. Fortunately, Zohall had both. He threw himself to the side, avoiding the roto-tiller that would have turned his head into chum.

Hitting the ground, the vampires surrounded Zohall with their eclectic weapons raised. The family patriarch pointed a particularly big kitchen knife in his face, "Leave now, or die!" Carlisle's normally soothing voice had become as rough as sand paper and sharp as a razor.

Zohall smiled, those teeth of his shone as brightly as those uncanny eyes. Why did he smile? He was a man with a plan, there's no point in playing fair with vampires. Next to his hand, three live hand grenades with their pins missing.

As the family noticed the still silent bombs, Zohall slid to cover like a snake in fast forward.

The explosion from the three grenades was catastrophic. It blew a giant hole in the floor big enough to admit an elephant. The explosion almost caused Wolverine's beer to spill. The stout Canadian would have gotten up to kick the ass of the guilty parties responsible, but the third period just began.

To Zohall's great surprise, the vampires were still standing. Aside from damage to their clothes, they looked perfectly fine. Even if they were immune to silver, they should have been blown apart by such close proximity to three grenades!

No matter, Zohall had a few other special grenades with him and a few special skills. Pulling out his gun, he laid down covering fire and began to make a hasty retreat into the kitchen.

The vampires moved like lightning, dodging Zohall's aim so fast that it looked like they were teleporting. Damn, these bastards were fast and seemingly indestructible. Jasper returned fire with his old rifle.

The bullet from Jasper's rifle zipped through the air and went where Jasper aimed it. Jasper wanted to end this conflict bloodlessly. If his family was threatened, he was capable of killing in a heartbeat. But if this human bled, he didn't know if he could resist the call of blood.

Eighty years of bloody vampire warfare and wanton feeding is a hard thing to leave behind. If this human bled, it might undo all the effort that Jasper had gone through in the last fifty years to give up human blood.

The bullet from his rifle went right into the barrel of Zohall's gun and destroyed the firing mechanism.

Zohall yelped as the gun jumped in his hand, even though he hadn't fired it. When he tried to squeeze the trigger, nothing happened. It was like the internal workings of the gun had been gummed up or damaged somehow. Grunting with frustration, he tossed the weapon aside.

When the Desert Eagle hit the ground, it exploded. Probably because Jasper's intruder bullet had ripped open the next cartridge. A little spark from the fall was all it took.

Logan was so engrossed in the developments in the third period that he hardly even noticed the shrapnel from the grenades or the fragments from Zohall's pistol. Also, he was too busy eating a couple of Esme's sumptuous grilled cheese sandwiches with his claws.

Alright, now Zohall was sweating. He'd lost his gun, and he fucking loved that gun. He'd lost his grenades when the father type vampire cut the straps of his grenade belts. All he had left now was his sword. But there was confusion in his mind also.

For one, the vampires were reacting with half of the aggression that he'd expected. Why? And why had their leader cut his straps instead of his arteries? These were not things that he'd come to expect, mercy and its ilk.

Still, some of the vampires did not share the patriarch's oddly human sense of compassion. The one with the pickax was still trying to take off his head.

Rosalie cursed in her mind at the green eyed human. He was an offense. He offended her sense of family by attacking her kin. He offended her sense of fashion with his torn jacket, his dark blue t shirt that looked like it belonged to a three year old, ragged blue jeans and stupid white sneakers with too much dirt on them. He had to die.

She swung at him, but through some strange occurrence he dodged the blow. Not only had he insulted Rosalie's reflexes, but he'd made her damage Esme's marble tiled floor.

How was he keeping up with her family? It must have something to do with those eyes; there was some kind of power in them.

The would be hunter then leapt up onto the never used kitchen table and started to fight them from the high ground.

Alucard walked through the front door of the house cradling his copy of _Batman_. It'd had taken him extra long to get back here because of traffic, but he'd gotten what he sought.

With his prize, Alucard strolled towards the beer drinking mutant, "Move over, fuzzy, Batman is about to go on."

"You got a thing comin' to ya, bub. The third period just ended and they're goin' into overtime. Ain't no way that I'm handin' over this TV to you."

Alucard sat down on the couch and began to wave his DVD in Logan's face, "You're going to have to surrender the television because Batman is far more entertaining than a bunch of idiots in pads ever will be."

Wolverine pointed an accusing finger at Alucard, "Look, ya damn leech, I give up this TV when the game's done, and not second earlier."

Zohall was starting to get tired. The vampires were trying to kill him and his sword seemed to be ineffective. He'd tried to behead one of them, but his sword bounced off like they were made of solid stone. Maybe this is how vampires were in America, here they were stony and in England they were shadowy and liked to dress in black.

He was dodging their various weapons but had ceased striking out for fear of damaging his sword. While flailing about, trying to keep breathing for one more millisecond, he ended up stabbing downwards into the oven.

The Cullens noticed it before Zohall did, the smell of natural gas. The human was struggling to get his blade free from the gas leaking oven. Carlisle turned to the family, "Get out of the kitchen, now!"

The family fled but Carlisle stayed, he shouted to Zohall who by now had begun to notice the gas. "Just leave here now and you'll leave alive and fully human!"

Zohall sprang to the side like a monkey. Executing a roll, he jumped out of the roll and grabbed a coffee maker that was only a prop. Ignorant of how expensive the coffee maker truly was, he ripped the wire from the device.

Holding three and one half feet of sparking wire in front of him, Zohall retorted, "Over my dead body."

Carlisle's eyebrows rose with fear at the sight of the wire. Zohall misunderstood Carlisle's expression, "Ah-ha, afraid are you? Well nobody can beat me, I'll even offer your ass a chance to surrender and then-oh, the gas."

BOOOOOOOOM!

Wolverine turned to look at the massive fireball that shot out of the kitchen, hot on the heels of the Cullens. "What was that?"

Alucard brushed it off, "Hell if I know, maybe it's an Unstet barbecue. Now move over, you're blocking the DVD player!"

Wolverine growled, actually growled, "Oh no you ain't, bub!" He then began to stab at Alucard with his claws.

Zohall ran on the spot, trying to keep out of the way of the angry oven. When the oven went off, it exploded off the wall with its fuel line still intact. Like a dragon with a stomach ulcer, it shook and belched fire in timed intervals.

One of the results of the explosion was that it ripped up the floor and made the plumbing stand up like a metal garden. Zohall's jacket had been snagged on one such protruding pipe, hence his running on the spot.

From the flames, Carlisle Cullen ran forward like a magnificent phoenix. His clothes were one fire but he didn't seem to care. He was running at Zohall with his largest knife raised.

Zohall gave a very unmasculine scream and started to run faster on the spot. To his great luck, Carlisle cut his jacket, freeing him of the pipe and allowing him to escape the fiery kitchen.

Zohall screamed out of the kitchen like a bat out of hell. Tripping over his own feet, he landed on a couch (not the one which Wolverine and Alucard were killing themselves on). The couch slid like it was on an ice surface and hit a bookshelf filled with books that Zohall had never even heard of.

The Cullens watched as the bookshelf came crashing down on the strange intruder. Carlisle, smoldering like a roast turkey, joined them. The family was in a state of shock. It was like the hunter had no idea what he was doing?

Emmett asked, "Is he dead?" He turned to Wolverine, "Does he smell dead?"

Wolverine was too busy to answer; he was currently engaged in beating Alucard with his silver _Calgary Flames_ belt buckle. "SHUT UP! I'm tryin' to watch overtime here!"

Rosalie rolled her eyes at Emmett's idiocy, "His heart's still beating."

Suddenly, Zohall sprang from under the bookshelf as if he'd planned the whole thing. And quite conveniently for him, the exploding oven had caused his sword to become stuck in the floor right in front of him.

Wrenching his sword free, Zohall began to swing it around dramatically like a character from a sword and sorcery film. His swordplay was quite exquisite, but the Cullens were not impressed. In fact, they'd stopped acting like he was a threat and started looking at him like he was a clown. Well, Zohall was going to show them a thing or two.

Swinging around his sword, he began to recite the motto of the vampire hunting organization he worked for, "Impure souls of the living dead shall be banished-YAAAAAHHHHH!!!" He suddenly fell through the floor.

During his swordplay, Zohall had been accidently slicing at the weakened floor. The result was that he created a second hole in the floor and went down it.

The Cullens looked down and saw how Zohall had landed. Headfirst, he'd plummeted. Fortunately, Edward's favorite car was there to break his fall. Edward was not going to be happy when he saw that dent.

Zohall stood up, his head was ringing and the floor was moving under his feet like the ocean. A highly important rule in vampire hunting is that you never give them room to breath. He had no sword, so Zohall went for his spare pistol.

Banging his knee on a metal tool drawer, Zohall cursed a blue streak and compulsively started to fire his gun. The bullets ricocheted off of the various metal surfaces of the cave like Cullen garage. And by some strange happenstance, all of the bullets that Zohall fired hit the gas tanks of the Cullen vehicles simultaneously.

Edward was just driving Bella to his house in Bella's archaic red truck. Compared to the Cullens sleek, expensive vehicles, Bella's beat up old pickup truck looked like a geriatric race horse that should be put down.

The two young lovers were just about fifty feet away from the house when they heard and felt the earth shattering-

-**KAAAAAAABBBBBBOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

From behind the driver's seat Edward looked at Bella with as much confusion as she was showing. "What was that?" Bella asked.

The house immediately came into view, what was left of it anyways. It looked like something had caused an explosion in the garage and done serious damage to the rest of the house.

Bella gasped, "Oh my god."

In front of the wreckage stood Edward's family. They looked a little worn and weary, but they seemed physically fine. Mentally, that was another matter.

Edward sprinted forward to hug his parents at a speed that made him invisible, "What happened?"

Rose filled in the blanks for her brother dearest, "Some stupid ass human came in and trashed our home because your stupid ass cell phone wasn't turned on because you were lollygagging with your stupid ass girlfriend."

Bella looked hurt at Rosalie's accusation and Edward growled. Esme snapped at Rosalie, struggling not slap her adopted daughter, "I never want to hear you speaking about your brother or his girlfriend like that again, ever!" Rose withered under her mother's harsh glare.

Bella asked, "Where's the human? Did you kill him?"

Carlisle shook his head, "No, he's over there." He pointed at Zohall's present location.

Without a doubt, this was the most FUBAR situation that Zohall had ever been in. Presently he was hanging from a tree by his jacket, suspended some fifteen feet off the ground.

Zohall was thrashing and kicking in mid air. He looked like a fly in a spider's web. He hated the way that the vampires were looking at him.

One of the vampires, the big one with the golf clubs, had picked up a stick and was prodding the Hellsing Operative. Zohall barked at the vampire, "Hey jackass, cut that shit out!"

Emmett continued to prod the admittedly cool human with his long piece of pine, "I know you tried to kill my family and such, but maybe a few years from now do you think you could come over and play some Gears 2?"

So now the vampires were mocking him with the promise of entertaining video games, well it wouldn't work.

Inside the Cullen house, the sofa and the TV ha miraculously survived. It was overtime in the game between Calgary and San Jose, the two teams had been going at it for a good five minutes since the regular ice time had finished.

Alucard was biting Wolverine like a rabid dog. Logan was doing his best to fend off Alucard and pay attention to the course of the game.

Down in the basement, there was a residual explosion that sent Zohall's sword slicing through the air with deadly force.

The flying sword chopped Alucard's DVD and destroyed the television. Alucard wouldn't be able to watch Batman and Wolverine would miss the exciting conclusion of the game.

Alucard's jaw dropped, Logan's eyes bugged.

"No . . . no hockey!"

"NO BATMAN!"

Integra Hellsing sped down the Cullens driveway in her rented vehicle. She'd sent a communiqué to Zohall Mercer to rendezvous with the Cullens and pick up Alucard. Unfortunately, her contacts in America had dropped some bad news on her doorstep.

Apparently there'd been a typo in Zohall's instructions. His orders actually read that he was supposed to go and slay the Cullens. When Integra found out who was responsible for this "_typo_", she was going to rip his or her lungs out.

He'd been half way to America by the time this grievous mistake had been realized, so Integra had jumped aboard the nearest supersonic jet to intercept him.

Truth be told, she was more worried about the Zohall than she was about the Cullens. The Cullens were nice people but they were still damnable vampires, humans came first.

Stopping the rental car, Integra was greeted by the strangest sight. Zohall looked like he'd been barbecued and he was being chased up a tree by a short Neanderthal of a man with metal claws coming out of his knuckles.

Zohall was screaming as he tried to climb faster than Wolverine.

SWIPE!

That was a close one, Zohall almost ended up losing a foot.

Logan snarled at his quarry, "Hey runt, I'm sendin' you back to Raccoon City, in pieces!" Zohall screamed and jumped up to the next branch, almost losing his whole leg this time.

Alucard was at the foot of the tree, egging Wolverine on. He was hopping up and down on the spot, swinging around Zohall's sword as he did. The ancient vampire was screaming in Romanian, English, some Gypsy dialect and a smattering of pure incoherent gibberish.

The Cullens looked like they wanted to intervene but they were too afraid of Alucard to try anything.

Born of a lifetime of fighting vampires, Integra's response was swift and true. "ALUCARD, I order you to save Mr. Mercer!"

Alucard snarled, he did not like these orders. Rather than jump up, Alucard seemed to float upwards in fast motion. With an overhead swing, he bashed Wolverine over the head just as Zohall reached his last branch. Logan flew downward and created a crater in the soft earth.

Alucard and Zohall both fell, but in completely different fashions. Alucard drifted down like a dandelion seed. Zohall dropped like an unwanted baby, hitting almost every branch on the way down.

Before he hit the ground, his jacket snagged on yet another branch, sparing him from a hard landing and nearly dislocating both his arms.

Zohall's vision was swimming; he probably had a concussion, maybe two. Wolverine was starting to climb out of his hole in the ground, "Ooh, I'm glad for that mutant healing and these adamantium bones."

Integra walked up to the hanging Zohall and explained to him, "I'm sorry Mr. Mercer, but there was a typographical error in your orders."

Zohall blinked, the edges of his vision were going black, "What?"

"You were only supposed to meet the Cullens, not attack them. The onus for this falls entirely on me."

Adrenaline started to pump through Zohall's veins, keeping him awake, "ARE YOU SHITTING ME? WHAT THE FUCK!"

Integra ignored her employee's outburst. Rather, she turned to the Cullens, "You lot, get some clothes on that aren't burned and help me get this man down. I will personally see to it that he gets proper medical treatment as soon as possible."

Integra then turned to Alucard, "Get him down, servant."

Alucard nodded to his master's orders, "Of course." He then adjusted his gaze to fall squarely on the prone man.

Alucard sneered, "Before I let you down, HERE'S YOUR SWORD YOU FUCKER!" And he threw the sword so that it stuck into the tree just between Zohall's legs.

EEP!-

-Was all Zohall could say.

* * *

This story started off as a request from EZB, but I'd like to thank him for giving me the idea. If you liked it, drop me a review. If you didn't like, tell me where I went wrong and next time I'll work to correct my mistake. Zohall Mercer is an original character created by EZB, not me.

Ta

Master of teh Boot


End file.
